DON'T GIVE UP! Here's How to Survive a Sexless Marriage

You may be in a tough spot if you're here today. 

Potentially, you're in a marriage that you consider sexless, and maybe you've tried a few things, but your partner isn't open to talking about it or seeking further help. 

In other words, your sex life is non-existent, and you don't know how you can go on. 

Today, I want to give you some practical tips to help you feel some sense of fulfilment and maintain your sexual health—even when the traditional paths with your partner are not currently on the table. 

But first, let's have a look at what a sexless marriage is. 

What Is a Sexless Marriage? 

A sexless marriage is one where there is very little to no sexual activity between a couple—where sex only occurs about ten times or less in a year. 

Unfortunately, sexless marriages where couples don't have frequent sex are far more common than you may think, with 15% to 20% of couples experiencing long periods where they don't have sex at all. 

Marriages become sexless for a variety of reasons, including: 

• Low libido or sex drive

• Relationship issues

• Lack of closeness or emotional connection

• Unresolved trauma

• Sexual dysfunction

• Lack of sexual attraction

• High stress

• Household duties

• Childcare stress

• Hormonal imbalances

• Mental health issues

• And more

So, rest assured that not having sex isn't your fault! There are several reasons why your wife may be unwilling to get it on. 

While you may feel alone, you aren't. Many couples are experiencing this as well. 

But now that you know what a sexless relationship is and what causes it, let's look at how to survive a sexless marriage. 

Here's How to Survive a Sexless Marriage

Get ready for some small, simple, and practical actions you can start taking even today to help make a difference and help you feel better in your marriage.

1. Explore self intimacy and self-care

So you're going to start by looking inward. It's likely that you already have a favourite way to masturbate. 

But I'm inviting you to explore and deepen those experiences (i.e., try different things you haven't done before).

Learning about your body and your preferences can be a really powerful way to reconnect with your sexuality.

Plus, it also involves permitting yourself to enjoy this time without guilt because masturbation doesn't have to be something that you rush through or feel ashamed of.

You're entitled to your sexual exploration, and it's important to communicate this with your partner to prevent any misunderstandings.

Because this is your body, this is your sexual journey and the cards that you've been dealt. So, you have every right to explore what you like and experience sexual satisfaction and pleasure in a way that feels fulfilling and healthy.

Here are some things you can do: 

• Explore different strokes, speeds, and pressures. 

• Try different body positions.

• Incorporate sex toys, such as anal toys, to experience a p-spot orgasm. 

• Explore erotic literature that piques your interest.

• Try mindful masturbation, where you focus on being fully present in your body, maybe incorporating some deep breaths, allowing yourself to be fully present.

You can even light a candle or play music that makes you feel good. The goal is to create a space where you can be completely relaxed and engaged with your body. 

This can be especially beneficial if you're somebody who currently experiences erectile dysfunction because of the relaxation and the understanding that you are worthy of experiencing pleasure, no matter how hard or soft your penis is.

I know this might initially feel awkward and far removed from your normal routine, but celebrate every small step you take to expand your horizons with your solo play.

Before we move on, I've created something FREE to help you with this. 

It's called the 9 Days, 9 Ways Guide. It’s a self-pleasure journey for men that will guide you through specific techniques that you can try so that you can explore your turn-ons and experience maximum pleasure! You can download the Guide here for free. 

2. Defined connection through non-sexual physical intimacy

One of the things you're missing is likely feeling connected and close with your wife. There are things you can do to keep that connection strong. 

You can have a strong, long-term relationship with your partner without relying on sexual intimacy only. 

Instead, you can build emotional intimacy by having meaningful conversations, cooking, taking walks, or trying a new hobby together. 

You can also make physical touch a big part of your relationship. 

Unfortunately, when we aren’t having sex, we can experience something called touch hunger, where we feel scared to touch each other in case it comes across as one partner pressuring the other to have sex. 

So, making sure you and your partner have non-sexual touch together can be beneficial.

Examples of non-sexual touch include: 

• Holding hands

• Massage

• Hugging 

• Kissing

• Putting your hand on her leg

Whatever works for the two of you. 

And yes, while I acknowledge that this doesn’t replace sexual intimacy, if physical touch is important to you, this can still help you to keep your bond strong, which is incredibly important. 

It's okay if these moments don't happen every single day. Every effort you make toward making a connection will build up over time. Progress isn't linear. 

It’s admirable that you're strengthening the connection in your relationship because that may potentially lead to you moving towards a sexual connection once again. Or it may just ensure that you stay close and keep the love flowing between you.

3. Explore solo or guided fantasy exploration

Fantasies can be a powerful way to access your mind's inner workings and bring your brain into the mix. After all, your brain is your most powerful sexual organ.

So you can do this by allowing yourself to daydream and go into those erotic realms of your fantasies, where you follow the curiosities of things that turn you on. 

This can be a fantastic outlet, especially when traditional intimacy isn't on the table. 

If you find it difficult to allow your mind to go there without some kind of prompt, then why not try audio erotica or even Jerk Off Instructions (JOI) to help you navigate into those worlds?

These things can help you explore what turns you on and gets you hot and panting—some of which you may have never even considered!

I want to reassure you that when you explore your fantasies, it's almost certain that your fantasies are healthy and normal, even if you think they might be a little weird or shocking. 

It's okay.

Having these fantasies doesn’t mean you want to bring them to life. So, allow yourself to explore, knowing that if you ever do feel discomfort or concern about what you're fantasising about, you can always consult a sex therapist to help you navigate that.

I consider fantasy exploration a kind of self-care. It's about finding what works for you and how you can embrace it fully.

4. Use sexual wellness products

If you've been on my blog or social media, you'll know that I review many different toys (and plenty of them are for men). 

Sex toys are a great way to add variety and excitement to your solo sessions. 

As I said earlier, it’s perfectly okay to have your favourite technique that always gets you there. But if solo play is the only thing on the table, why not bring more richness and variety?

There are so many different kinds of strokers and tools to help you enjoy a variety of textures, temperatures, and sensations, as well as prostate stimulators that can bring a whole new world of pleasure.

Plus, you can also explore sensory play and use different textured materials under your body. 

The goal is to enrich, engage, and vary your solo self-pleasure time. Because it’s special and it's not something to be hidden in the shower or made to feel embarrassed about. 

I want to encourage you to carve out a space to have the physical and mental privacy you need to express and enjoy yourself. 

5. Seek community and support

Being in a sexless marriage can be incredibly isolating. 

You can feel like you're the only person in this situation. Or that from the outside, you're in such a happy marriage, but at certain times of the day or night, you feel so alone. 

But you're not alone. There are many online communities and forums with others in the same boat as you. These can help validate that what you're experiencing is common.

You don't even have to share your story because reading about what other people are experiencing can be a source of support and validation. 

For example, you can check out the Subreddit "r/deadbedrooms." where people in sexless marriages share their stories. 

However, I recommend you clear your intentions before accessing these communities and forums because sometimes the energy can be quite negative, which may not be the support you need. 

And, of course, reaching out for marriage counselling or sex therapy can also be incredibly beneficial to help you navigate the difficult emotions that may come up in a sexless relationship. 

6. Explore ethical non-monogamy

Now, non-monogamy isn't for everyone. This is where you bring another person into the sexual relationship. 

This is something that works for some couples but certainly not for everybody. But if your values align and you both feel that it could be right for you, then exploring ethical non-monogamy could be a way to ensure that you still have your sexual needs met. 

This could involve discussing hall passes or setting specific boundaries around intimacy outside of marriage. There are many different ways that it could look, and you and your partner should determine that. 

The goal should always be finding a solution, honouring your relationship, and addressing your needs. 

If you're considering this, take time to research it thoroughly and discuss it slowly and carefully with your partner. Again, some professionals can help you navigate this step. 

7. Redirect some of that sexual energy

There are a couple of ways you can do this. 

Try creative outlets like painting, writing, or learning a musical instrument. These are ways to channel your creative energy and express yourself in a way you might struggle with words. 

Of course, physical activity can also be a great outlet. Running or boxing can help you eliminate that pent-up frustration and energy. 

You might also prefer something more sensual, like dancing or yoga, to connect positively with your body. 

And if you want some support in learning how to feel good in your skin and enjoy your body, check out this blog on body image for men. 

This suggestion aims to help you release some of that energy, find ways to express yourself, reconnect with your body, and do something that could build into a positive long-term habit that nurtures you. 

8. Self-acceptance and compassion

It can be easy to be hard on yourself when you find yourself in a position where something important to you is unavailable in your marriage. 

It can lead to a lot of resentment, frustration, and difficult emotions. 

Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to feel them. However, you can find ways to manage them healthily, such as mindfulness, meditation, or taking a few deep breaths. 

This suggestion is also about being gentle with yourself and having compassion for the situation that you’re in. It’s important to know that it isn’t your fault and that sometimes that passion that you experienced in the beginning of your marriage may dwindle over time. 

But don’t give up. Because you never know when things may start to turn around. The passion can always reignite!

Go and Explore These Ways to Survive Your Sexless Marriage

I want to underline that you deserve to feel good and that it's okay to seek fulfilment in some of these other ways. 

While none of them can fully replace that feeling of sexual connection with your partner, they are valid suggestions to help you maintain your sexual health and feel good. 

Remember to go and grab the 9 Days, 9 Ways Guide for self-pleasure for men to inspire you in ways to bring yourself more pleasure. 

And, definitely consider going for couples therapy (if your wife agrees) so you and your partner can get professional help to bring back the sexual desire and build a healthy relationship once more!