What Is Emotional Intimacy? How to Create It

Are you struggling to keep the spark alive in your marriage? Having relationship issues?

Both emotional and physical intimacy are crucial to achieving a thriving relationship in which you and your wife feel valued and happy. 

That said, it can be difficult to build emotional intimacy when we are also dealing with other responsibilities—work, kids, and household chores. 

So today, I want to give you a plan for making emotional intimacy doable, practical, and achievable. 

After reading this post, you'll know exactly how to add emotional closeness to your relationship, which can lead to your dream relationship with far hotter experiences in and outside of the bedroom!

And if you'd rather watch me speak about this on YT, click here. Or, click here to listen to my podcast episode which accompanies this blog.

What Is Emotional Intimacy & Why Is It Important?  

Emotional intimacy is about feeling close and connected with your partner to a point where you can be honest and show emotional vulnerability. 

I know you're likely rolling your eyes. But this stuff is essential.

Feeling close and connected with your partner won't only make you happier and more secure in your marriage, but it'll also open the door to having far better and more passionate sex. 

This is because emotional and physical intimacy is like the double helix of a DNA strand. They're both required. 

It's not like you just have sex once at the beginning of your relationship. Similarly, you shouldn't only work on your emotional connection at the beginning of your relationship. 

Both need to be continuously worked on throughout your marriage.

How to Build Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship

I decided to devise a method to help you build emotional intimacy in your life. It's called "The 15-Minute Bond Builder Protocol." 

Okay, so let's jump in! 

Step 1: Three-Minute Check In

It starts with a three-minute morning check-in. 

So, I want you to tag this on to something you already do in the mornings. Does your morning start with you both being able to spend three minutes together?

If not, you'll need to readjust it a little to find something that does work. 

For example, you could drink coffee together or pack lunch together. 

It's important to NOT check on your phone during these three minutes. It gives you time to check in on your wife. Ask her questions like: 

• How did you sleep? 

• How are you feeling today? 

• What is on your agenda? 

• Have you got anything exciting planned?

Essentially, you're just going to show interest in her.

By doing so, you'll be setting the tone for the day. 

You could even incorporate some affectionate touch. Keep in mind that I'm referring to non-sexual affectionate touch, such as touching her hand, stroking her cheek, or kissing her forehead. 

So, how are you going to make this a habit? 

You can set an alarm on your phone so that you can get up a bit earlier and bring her coffee in bed—after which you both can chat while drinking your hot beverage. Or you can put a sticky note on the mirror or somewhere you'll see it to remind you to do this. 

Step 2: Mid-Day Appreciation Text

We're moving on to the next part of the 15-Minute Bond Builder Protocol, which is a midday appreciation text.

Yes. A text message that isn't about duties. 

I love it when couples can make their cell phones their hotline to spice things up and keep them connected. 

And this is what I mean by that. 

At some point in the day, you'll take a moment to send her a message to tell her something you appreciate about her.

Something thoughtful, like, "I'm thinking of you," or "I loved what we did last night." You can fill in the blank. 

You can send a little written text or a photo of something you're doing and just say, "I cannot wait to see you later."

Or, you can also send her a video or an audio message—something that shows that you were thinking of her. 

So what can you do to make this stick? 

Again, set a reminder on your phone. That is definitely an easy one. You can also put this in your calendar so that every day at a certain time, you actually send her a message. 

Keep in mind that she might not respond well at first.

She might think, "Why is he doing this?" Especially if this is something different that you don't usually do.

You might even get a response from her saying, "Hmm, this is odd." But just stick with it. I recommend you stick with it for at least a week to see how this goes.

You can think of things that she would love to hear about, such as special memories. You're the expert of your wife. You're married to her, after all. So, let your knowledge of her guide what you say. 

Step 3: The Evening Unwind

So, let's skip forward to the next five minutes. 

This is going to be the evening unwind. When you've finished your day's activities, you’ll spend five minutes together without the phone again. 

I recommend you take these minutes to discuss both of your days. 

• How did your day go? 

• Was there anything challenging? 

• Anything fun happen? 

• Did you see anybody? 

• How are you feeling?

• How did it go?

You're just checking in. 

You can do this while you're washing the dishes. You can even make it a bit more romantic by lighting candles, playing music, and pouring a glass of wine.

If you have kids, you might want to occupy them during this time—maybe with some screen time or after they've gone to bed.

Alternatively, if there isn't anything private you want to discuss, it can be beneficial for your kids to witness you guys having these five minutes together. 

It's an excellent example for them.

These opportunities for deeper connection and shared experiences are often overlooked in our busy lives. I get it because it's super hard. 

Even though building emotional intimacy isn’t your sole responsibility, if you take the reins, you'll see that she might just follow.

Just give it a try. 

Not only will these conversations break emotional barriers, but they'll also lead to more relationship satisfaction, as you and your wife will feel valued and heard. 

Step 4: Gratitude Moment

Let's move on to the next three minutes of this method: a moment of gratitude. 

In these three minutes, I want you to express your gratitude for your wife. 

This can be very important. As married couples, we can often start to feel disconnected because we see ALL parts of our spouses. 

The good, the bad, the nagging, the annoying, and more. 

So, making her feel like you still appreciate her is important.

Now, it doesn't have to be profound. Think of something today that you appreciate her for. Be specific. Be authentic. It can be something as small as, "I really appreciate how supportive you were today when I was stressed," or "I love the way you did your hair today."

Did she do something today that made you feel good? Tell her. 

So often, we don't mention these small things, and then if we're not giving them positive reinforcement, they end up just falling by the wayside because she feels like you don't even notice. 

You might find that she reciprocates. But remember, you're not doing these 15 minutes just to get something back, right? This 15-Minute Bond Builder Protocol is here to help you build last emotional intimacy habits.

So don't go in with that in mind—especially at first. Because this might be weird for the two of you. It might be something you haven't done before, so it can take her a while to feel comfortable receiving your kind words and to start paying you compliments back.

The more detailed you are, the more authentic it will be and the more it'll mean to her. 

Step 5: Physical Touch

The final two minutes of this 15 Minute Protocol is physical touch. 

Non-sexual physical touch—kissing, stroking her hair, touching her cheek, putting your hand on her knee, giving her a foot rub, a good night kiss, etc. 

This can boost your intimacy and help you release Oxytocin, a bonding chemical in our brains. 

I actually recommend 10 to 12 touches per day, which might seem like quite a lot. But how many times do you touch your phone? Studies have shown that people touch their phones over 2.600 times a day. 

So, you want this to be a consistent part of your routine.

As you start to touch her this way more frequently, she'll start to realise that you aren't only touching her when you want sex. 

That said, these moments can lead to sex sometimes. Because when you touch your wife more frequently and spend more time with her, this activates "responsive desire". 

In other words, these acts from you could make your wife aroused. 

Speaking of sexy time with your wife, if you want to elevate these moments further, and if you have time, you might want to craft a sexy date night experience to make your wife feel special. 

Of course, this will take longer than five minutes. But it'll make her feel more appreciated and could lead to more physical closeness and intimacy.

I have 2 FREE Sexy Date Nights mapped out for you with video explainers that'll help you plan the perfect date for you and your other half. 

Ready to Boost the Emotional Bond in Your Marriage? 

Deeper emotional intimacy doesn't have to be overly complicated or overwhelming. It can be done in as little as 15 minutes per day. Those small, meaningful connections can add up and make a big difference over time. 

If, at this point in the article, you feel ready to take it a step further and start incorporating regular dates with your wife, then I created a post on how to actually date your spouse. 

This post will help you romance your spouse, keep things passionate, and help you build a healthy relationship so that it doesn't feel like you're just roommates.