How to Date Your Spouse (5 Tips to Keep Things Passionate)
Married life can sometimes feel like a never-ending episode of "Survivor" where the challenge is navigating the wild jungle of laundry piles, grocery lists, and "Did you remember to take out the trash?" quests.
Amidst the daily grind, it's easy to let romance take a back seat. But it doesn't have to be this way!
Dating your spouse is the answer to bringing back the excitement, laughter, and — let's be honest — the mind-blowing sex in your relationship.
In this article, we'll examine why dating your spouse is so important and offer five tips on how to do it correctly.
And if you'd rather watch this info on YouTube, or listen on my podcast - I've got you covered!
Why is it Important to Date Your Spouse?
There are many reasons why dating your spouse can benefit your marriage.
Make Quality Time for Each Other
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it can be easy for married couples to get disconnected and drift apart. Family responsibilities, work, and other commitments often take centre stage and leave little or no time for each other.
Prioritising regular date nights ensures that you make time for each other and prioritise your relationship amidst life's demands.
By scheduling this time together, you create an opportunity to escape routine and enjoy each other's company regardless of how busy life gets.
Allows You to Maintain a Friendship
At the heart of a strong and happy marriage is a deep friendship. Dating your spouse allows you to rekindle the friendship that sparked your initial attraction.
Before marriage, you and your spouse likely spent much time together, shared interests, and laughed together.
As years go by, these interactions become rarer and rarer.
Date nights allow you to nurture your foundational friendship with your spouse, making it far easier to manage conflicts and increasing overall relationship satisfaction.
Keeps the Spark Alive
Over time, a relationship's initial excitement can wane as daily routines settle in. Regular dating helps combat this natural drift by injecting new experiences and romance into your marriage.
It allows you to keep the spark alive by giving you the chance to:
Explore new activities together (think, "picnic under the stars" or trying your hand at homemade fondue for the first time)
Revisit old interests
Create lasting memories
Engaging in these new experiences can reignite passion and excitement, which will remind you why you fell in love in the first place.
How to Date Your Spouse
Now that you understand the importance of dating your spouse let's discuss some top tips for incorporating dating into your life.
1. Schedule Regular Sexy Date Nights
This might sound simple — but it's incredibly effective.
Regular date nights show that you prioritise time together and help reconnect and keep the romance alive.
Plan something special, even if it's just once a month.
Go out for dinner
Take a walk
Have a cosy night in with a favourite movie
Incorporate a bottom line for physical intimacy during these dates. This means there's no pressure for intercourse, and creates a chance for a physical connection if both of you are open to it.
You can also use this time to work through a "yes, no, maybe list" that allows you both to discuss your desires, needs, and things you're curious about. Or you could even talk about your fantasies together.
These regular dates create a safe space for you to explore pleasure without any added pressure, which none of us need. If you want to know how to explore sexual fantasies in your marriage safely, check out this video.
If you're struggling to find date night ideas, I have 2 FREE Sexy Date Nights planned out entirely for you. These dates are easy to set up and will help boost the passion in your marriage!
2. Surprise Each Other
Keep the excitement alive by surprising your spouse with little gestures — and align it with their love language for bonus points.
It doesn't have to be grand.
A handwritten note
A favourite snack
Or an unexpected date can make a significant impact
These gestures show that you were thinking of them.
For example, one of my clients left a note on the windshield of his wife's car before she went to work… It made her entire day, and it made his whole night later on😉.
3. Incorporate Daily Connection Rituals
Building small daily habits is essential to help you stay emotionally connected.
Here are some ideas:
Have dinner without your cell phone around. It sounds simple, right? But it can have a big impact. This way, you'll spend uninterrupted time together during your meals.
Tell your partner one thing you admire about them. Honest, varied compliments and verbal affirmations can strengthen your bond.
Express gratitude for the little things that your partner does, like taking the kids to school, packing lunch for you, or kissing you every night before bed.
Wake up and share a coffee, or go to bed at the same time so you can talk about your days.
Send your partner a quick "I love you" text at work so they know you're thinking about them.
Run an errand or help your spouse with a task they dislike.
Your actions will likely start to be reciprocated by your partner. These small rituals can maintain emotional closeness and build a strong foundation for intimacy.
4. Make Physical Affection a Big Part of Your Life
When I say physical affection, I'm not talking about sexual touch.
Instead, I'm referring to non-sexual touching to express love, such as holding hands, kissing for at least six seconds, hugging, or cuddling.
These rituals boost oxytocin, or the "love hormone", and help you and your partner feel closer emotionally.
Oxytocin plays a vital role in many human behaviours, including sexual arousal, recognition, trust, and romantic attachment.
While acts like hugging and cuddling are small gestures of affection, they keep the connection tight. They also show your partner that you don't only touch them when you want sex.
Because if you do only touch your spouse when you want sex, that can cause them to clam up and even bristle at your touch. So make sure you're bringing a non-sexual touch into your life.
Here are some other mistakes you need to avoid when it comes to asking for sex.
5. Agree On Some Super Easy Initiation Signals Together
It's essential for you both to feel desired. So, taking turns initiating sex is important.
But you can make it extra easy by agreeing to specific signals.
For example, you can have a sex blanket (a special blanket that you put on the bed when you feel in the mood or available for intimacy). It's a visual cue, which means you don't have to say it. Instead, your partner can see you're in the mood and respond accordingly.
Of course, there's still no pressure for them to say yes, but you've at least opened the conversation.
Another example is wearing jewellery that signifies that you're in the mood and have the time and energy to connect later.
Remember, inviting each other to connect sexually is crucial for both of you, even if you're not initially in the mood. There's something called "responsive desire", which means sometimes you only get horny after you're physically aroused.
While men often get horny seemingly out of the blue, it's more common for females to experience responsive arousal.
So, it's essential to create a welcoming environment for intimacy and be open to being physically intimate to see if your mind comes online.
Ready to Start Dating Your Spouse?
Having regular date nights, daily connection rituals, non-sexual physical affection, and easy initiation signals will help you swoon your spouse and bring back the passion.
You'll start to see a shift gradually in your relationship, which can create a long-lasting connection and help make your time between the sheets hotter than ever.
If you're a man and you're looking for ways to spice up sex in your marriage and rebuild your sexual confidence, check out the FREE Confidence Guide I created, which will help you build more confidence in the bedroom and transform your sexual pleasure.
