A Guide to Jerk Off Instructions for Couples (+FREE Scripts)

Have you ever heard of JOI, otherwise known as Jerk Off Instructions?

These are really popular in the world of OnlyFans, camming, and adult content. Traditionally, it's where woman is paid to give instructions to a guy so that he can jerk off following her instructions. It's really hot and popular.

And do you know what I've been thinking recently? 

• How can we bring JOI into long-term relationships? 

• Can married couples use JOI? 

I reckon they can. I've been looking around online, and I can't see anybody talking about this, so let's discuss it. 

Today, I'm going to tell you exactly how you can bring JOI into the bedroom, and I've also written six FREE scripts for you so that you can download them and actually try them in your bedroom tonight! 

Before we get started, you can also learn about this by watching my YT video or listening to my podcast if that's more your thing!

What are Jerk Off Instructions (JOI)?

So, in case I haven't been clear enough, jerk-off instructions are where one person gives detailed instructions to another person, telling them what to do as they masturbate.

While it's not traditionally meant for couples in long-term relationships, it certainly can spice things up in the bedroom!

Not only is it hot, but it's also going to help you get out of your head and break out of those traditional and mundane roles that married couples often find themselves in. 

It'll also: 

• Boost communication

• Build trust between you and your partner

• Help improve confidence

• Give you a chance to play with power dynamics in the bedroom (i.e. submission and dominance)

In marriage and long-term relationships, it's important to break free from the normal every once in a while when it comes to sex. 

By the way, if you're a man and you struggle with confidence in the bedroom, I created a FREE Guide to Sexual Confidence that'll help you feel more secure and confident in the bedroom—which will ultimately lead to far better sex for you and your partner!

How to Get Started With JOI as a Couple

So, it may be intimidating to get started with jerk-off instructions as a couple. Where do you even begin? What do you say? 

Well, allow me to guide you through the steps to ease into it. 

1. Consent and Negotiation

As always, I think you should start with consent and negotiation. You need to discuss what’s okay to give instructions for. Ask your partner the following questions: 

• Can I give you instructions to fully masturbate? 

• Would you rather me give you instructions on how to just touch your body and strip and undress?

• Can I tell you to grab that toy and do this position? 

Also, talk about what is off-limits: 

• What is hot and what isn’t? 

• What kind of language can and can’t we use?

• Can I call you a name? (For example, can we use the word daddy?)

Keep in mind that you'll only really know some of this once you start doing it. That's why it's important to have a safe word in place as well. 

Perhaps you decide to try role play with a particular scenario, but then actually, as you get into it, you realise that it's uncomfortable. In this case, you can decide to stop by using your safe word. 

It needs to be clear from the beginning that you can stop anything at any time, for any reason, without any negative repercussions. That's what consent really means. 

When consent and your safe word are in place, it allows both of you to be safe enough to explore the play, knowing that you have an exit strategy in place. 

2. Choose Your Roles

Let's get down to the fun stuff. 

You're going to have two roles—one for you and one for your partner. Or if there's more of you in your relationship, you can figure that out. 

But you're going to have a: 

• Giver of instructions

• Receiver of instructions

I'm going to start by saying that if you're a guy reading this, I think it's going to be easier for you to give instructions first. That's probably going to be easier than asking her to give you instructions straight off the bat. 

What to do when you're the giver:

So, if you're the giver of the jerk-off instructions, you want to be gentle. Start slowly with baby steps, reading your partner’s body language and seeing how they respond.

You want to be clear and positive. 

• Use encouraging language

• Take every opportunity to compliment them

• Let them know how amazing it is to see them experiencing pleasure

This is a great chance to boost your wife/partner’s confidence. 

The goal is to guide, inspire, and build this scenario into an atmosphere of pleasure and permission, not just to dictate. 

Yes, you might decide that both of you really enjoy the power dynamic where you’re in control, like consensual non-consent. There's a place for that, but I recommend starting slowly.

To help you give jerk-off instructions, I've written six JOI Scripts that you can download for free. These include Edging JOI, Body Worship JOI, and Sex Toy JOI Scripts. 

What to do if you're the receiver: 

Now, if you're receiving the JOI, I want you to acknowledge how scary it might be for your partner to give you the instructions. It takes courage. 

So, be sure to show them how much you're enjoying it (if you are, of course) through your words and body.

• You can tell them that you're enjoying the way that you're touching yourself

• You can tell them how hard it feels to be told what to do

• You can even be a little bratty, cheeky, or saucy if you want to

Let it come naturally to you.

Remember that both of you are part of this. You're creating a dialogue and an experience that could be really memorable. 

3. Switch Roles

And then, you can go ahead and switch roles. You don't have to switch roles immediately. I.e., you don't have to do it tonight where you do one as the giver and then you literally swap over immediately.

You could do it on a different day. You can start to talk about it by saying, "Do you remember when we did that thing where I gave you instructions? I'd love to receive the instructions. How would you feel about that?" 

It can be really rewarding because it can help you learn about each other's likes and dislikes. It can also help you get a taste of the different power dynamics. Perhaps you'll find that you enjoy being submissive.

A lot of guys do enjoy being submissive. Your wife might discover that she loves bossing you around (in the best way possible😉). This could be hot for both of you.

4. Incorporate Edging

Another level that you can bring into your JOI is edging—which is essentially orgasm denial to build up a crescendo of pleasure. 

This is where you're telling your partner to stimulate, stimulate, stimulate. As you see them getting really close to their orgasm, you tell them to stop.

You either get them to stop stimulation completely, change the rhythm of stimulation, or slow down. 

So it's going to frustrate them a little bit. And what happens for many people when you edge them is that when they finally reach the crescendo, they have a massive and intense orgasm.

When men do this edging, it can help them last longer in the bedroom. That said, for other people, it can actually make the orgasm go away. 

But you won't know until you've tried it a few times. 

Interestingly, for men, you have to play around with how close you can get to the edge. So, your partner might need to learn how close they can bring you to orgasm.

For men, there's a point of no return. If you get to that point, it doesn't matter what instructions you're being given—you're not going to be able to stop. 

So that's something to learn about together as well.

5. Aftercare

As always, I recommend that you add aftercare where you reassure each other. Masturbating in front of each other is a big deal and can be really vulnerable. 

Even if you're totally into it and enthusiastically consent, feelings and thoughts can still come up afterward. You can feel embarrassed or awkward. 

So, this is a time to reassure and let your partner know what you enjoyed.

• Ask your partner if there's anything they would do differently 

• Talk about what you both liked

• Discuss what you would like to try again  

Ready to Try JOI? 

Sex is supposed to be edgy. It's supposed to be fun. This is adult playtime.

So, try keeping the communication open and light-hearted as you go. Start slow, take baby steps, and see if JOI is something that you both enjoy in the bedroom. 

I would love to hear from you. Let me know if you’ve tried JOI before. 

And remember to download my Jerk Off Instructions Scripts, including scripts for you and your wife! I'm here to help you have the best sex of your life. And I want to make sure that I'm giving you the most helpful information.

Also, don't forget: if you want to know more about edging, this is the blog post for you.