Here's How to Ask Your Wife/Girlfriend to Sit on Your Face
Ever wanted to ask your woman to try facesitting, but felt a bit too awkward to bring it up?
I get it.
Facesitting, or "queening," can seem a little intimidating—especially if you've no idea how to broach the subject. But hang tight because today we'll discuss a few ways you can approach your partner respectfully and confidently without it descending into silence or awkwardness.
It's all about finding the right time, sharing reassurance, and making your wife (or girlfriend) feel comfortable exploring this intimate act. Let's dive straight in (no pun intended).
Understanding Why You Want to Try Facesitting
Before you even think about raising the topic, take a moment to reflect on why you're so drawn to facesitting in the first place. Being clear about the 'why' will help you explain your feelings when the time comes to chat with your partner.
Physical attraction: Do you find something particularly exciting about being so close to her physically? It could be the scent, the taste, or just the idea of that intimate connection that's appealing to you.
Sensory experience: Are you imagining the sight, touch, and sensations and find yourself wanting to immerse in all the physical pleasure that comes with it?
Dominance and submission: Maybe the power dynamics are a turn-on. You being in a position of submission while she's in control can be an exciting switch-up.
Humiliation kink: If there's a little desire for humiliation, and this act taps into that fantasy, it's something to reflect on before you mention it.
Your motivations are personal, but when explained clearly, they'll help your woman understand why this is something you want to try.
Preparing to Ask Your Wife to Sit on Your Face
Here are some things you can do to prepare for the conversation with your wife so she's more likely to say yes.
Make sure it's the tight time and place
Timing makes a huge difference when it comes to potentially sensitive conversations about sex.
You probably don't want to bring this up during a rushed moment or when she's feeling stressed.
Choose a time when you're both relaxed—maybe after a romantic date or during a quiet moment when you can really connect.
It's important not to treat this as some grand announcement—keep it casual and build up to it comfortably.
Be confident in your communication
There's no point tiptoeing around the subject. When you talk to her, be confident in your desire but also open and sensitive to her feelings. You don't want her to feel pressured, but you also want to ensure she feels appreciated and desired in this process.
Addressing Common Insecurities
One reason facesitting may seem daunting to women is because it's a highly vulnerable position, and it can stir up insecurities—especially surrounding body image and sexual attractiveness.
So, if you're going to ask your partner to consider facesitting, some gentle reassurance on two main points will go a long way.
1. Discussing body image concerns
Many women are inundated with societal messaging telling them to be smaller and lighter. With facesitting, she might be worried simply about her weight—"What if I'm too heavy? What if I crush him?" These thoughts can lead to a lot of hesitation.
What you can do:
Reassure your partner that you love her body the way it is. Don't make it about her size. Instead, make it about how much you adore being physically close to her, inhaling her scent, or how her curves turn you on.
Mention ways to share the load—literally. Let her know you can support her by holding her hips or thighs during the act, and she has control over the pressure. It doesn't have to be 'sit and squash' if that makes her uncomfortable.
2. Addressing worries about intimacy
It's also worth discussing that the act of facesitting puts all the focus on her—and for some, this can feel unnerving at first. Many women have insecurities about how they smell, taste, or look "down there", sometimes because society hasn't been kind to vulvas.
What you can do:
Tell her how much you enjoy the way her vulva looks, tastes, and smells. The more confident she feels in that department, the more likely she'll be to embrace the idea of facesitting, knowing you're eager for that close-up.
How to Communicate About Facesitting
When you feel ready, it's crucial to approach the conversation with tact and a genuine desire to hear her thoughts.
Initiate the discussion
Start by asking her how she feels about the idea of facesitting or queening. You might not want to be too blunt, but there's no need for sneaky hints, either. She deserves to know you're coming from a place of desire and respect.
For example: "I'd love to try something new—I find the idea really hot, and I'd love to please you. How would you feel about trying facesitting at some point?"
Provide reassurance
Let her know it's about her pleasure, as much as (or more than) yours. One key part of facesitting is that the woman is in full control of what happens—she gets to focus on what feels best for her and how she wants to move.
Sometimes, this affirmation is what's needed to make exploration in the bedroom feel more comfortable.
Overcome barriers to facesitting
There's no denying that society has served up a whole dish of bizarre ideas when it comes to sexual power dynamics.
Some women may feel hesitant to take control in the bedroom because of these cultural ideas about being "demure" or "passive" in sex. Facesitting is the opposite—it's about her pleasure, her control.
Your reassurance is essential here. Let her know you want her to embrace being on top and that it's really attractive when she knows what she wants and goes for it.
If your partner's never really embraced dominance in bed, this could be a nice first step. Encouraging her to take charge in this way can feel empowering for her too. Ask her to guide you with words: what does she want from you while she's in control? Communication is key.
Practical Tips for Facesitting
Now that you've begun the conversation, if she's on board, you'll both need to figure out the details of how she’s going to sit on your face. What position works best? What happens if someone gets uncomfortable? Here are a few basic approaches that can help:
1. Discuss positions and techniques
Facesitting doesn't mean your partner has to simply land on your face while you hold your breath. Let her know there are a range of comfortable positions she can try—whether it's squatting, kneeling, or partially supporting herself on her hands and knees.
This gives her lots of options, and the freedom to adjust as needed.
Hold her hips: This way, you can guide her movements and help with her balance, meaning she's less likely to worry about putting too much weight on you.
Different positions: She could start kneeling on the bed and gradually lower herself or try a position that's easier on her arms and legs.
2. Encourage experimentation
Sometimes it's trial and error. Encourage improvisation by trying different angles and amounts of pressure. facesitting doesn't need to feel serious or structured—it's about figuring out what feels good for both of you.
3. Ensure comfort and safety
One major concern that might be on your partner's mind is—"what if I suffocate him?" While that's an understandable worry, you can put her nerves at ease by establishing nonverbal communication that works.
Just like with any new sexual adventure, it's helpful to plan. Create some signals that allow you to communicate what's working.
Simple taps on her thighs could mean "I need a break" or "more of that, please!" It's similar to having a safeword for when things are a little too intense or uncomfortable.
4. Enhance the experience with dirty talk
If both of you are interested in bringing power dynamics into the bedroom, facesitting might be a good way to play around with submission and dominance. You could ask her to direct you while on top: what should you do with your tongue? Is she enjoying it?
Small elements like dominance through dirty talk can elevate the experience, whether that's light and playful, or something more intense.
4. Navigate humiliation aspects (cautiously)
For those who fancy exploring humiliation aspects in their sex life, facesitting opens that door—carefully. But this isn't something to rush into. Make sure there's a clear, mutual discussion of what works and what doesn't, keeping things consensual every step of the way.
How Facesitting Helps to Build Trust and Intimacy
One beautiful result of discussing and experimenting with facesitting (or anything new in bed) is how it can build trust and intimacy in your relationship. Having these conversations openly allows you both to understand each other's needs and desires more deeply.
What to Do If Your Partner Doesn't Want to Try Facesitting
If, after discussion, facesitting isn't your partner's thing, that's completely okay. The beauty of sexual exploration is that there are a plethora of options still on the table. What's important is that both of you feel heard and respected.
Maybe you'll find that something entirely different gets both of you excited. Keep the conversation flowing. Consider things such as:
I have a free resource that'll give you many other ideas of things you can try. It's called 26 Hot Sex Ideas that includes creative and out-of-the box things you can try in the bedroom (that you and your wife may have never even considered).
Final Thoughts on Communication and Exploration
At the heart of any successful sexual experimentation is communication. Discussing, listening, and being respectful can open doors to new possibilities that are fun, sexy, and fulfilling for both of you.
Whether you're trying facesitting or exploring something else entirely, always keep communication lines wide open, and your bedroom might just get a little more spicy!
If you're looking for even more ways to spice up your sex life, my ebook offers 52 Sexy Date Night Ideas—one for every week of the year. Each comes with clear instructions, fun concepts, and suggestions for getting your partner on board. Have fun!
