Increase Sex Drive in Men: What Really Works (and Why You’ve Been Feeling Flat)
When desire goes quiet, it can feel unsettling - but it’s not the end of your sex drive.
Most men will experience a drop in sexual desire at some point. Sometimes it’s gradual - a slow fading of interest. Other times it hits suddenly, and you find yourself wondering how to increase your sex drive or what happened to the part of you that used to crave touch, fantasy, and connection.
If that sounds familiar, you’re far from alone. Research suggests that around one in five men experience low sexual desire at some point in their lives. But because men are expected to always want sex, it’s rarely spoken about. That silence can make you feel isolated - or worse, defective.
You’re not.
Your body still knows how to feel desire; it’s just buried under layers of stress, habit, and distraction. Here’s how to bring it back.
Why Sex Drive Lowers (and What’s Really Going On)
There are plenty of reasons your sex drive might feel lower than usual - and most have nothing to do with age or testosterone levels.
Stress is the biggest thief of desire. When you’re running on fumes, your body prioritises survival, not sex. High cortisol levels tell your brain to conserve energy, not spend it on arousal.
Lack of rest and recovery plays a huge part too. If you’re not sleeping well or living on caffeine and adrenaline, your body doesn’t have the bandwidth for pleasure.
Emotional load matters just as much. Maybe there’s tension with your partner, you’re feeling unseen, or you’ve just been living on autopilot. Desire thrives on safety and presence; both disappear when life feels heavy.
And finally, routine and repetition dull the senses. When every day looks the same, and every release follows the same quick pattern, your brain stops lighting up the way it used to. Arousal needs curiosity, novelty, and energy to feed it.
None of this means your desire is gone. It just means your body’s asking for a different kind of attention: slower, softer, more mindful. When you start listening, your body remembers - and your sex drive naturally begins to increase.
5 Natural Ways to Increase Sex Drive in Men
Here’s how to increase sex drive in men in simple, natural ways.
1. Slow Down and Reconnect With Your Body
Most men are conditioned to go fast - in work, workouts, and even self-pleasure.
But your arousal system responds best to slowness.
When you rush through pleasure, you bypass the build-up that actually creates desire.
When you slow down - breathe, notice, linger - your body starts to catch up.
Start by giving yourself permission to feel without needing to finish. Touch your body the way you’d explore someone else’s. Notice how temperature, texture, and rhythm shift the sensations.
These small changes wake up nerve pathways that might have gone quiet from years of tension or repetition. Over time, this sensitivity naturally reignites desire and helps increase sex drive in a way that feels effortless.
2. Reframe Pleasure as Health, Not Indulgence
It’s easy to dismiss sexual desire as optional - something you’ll get to when life calms down. But pleasure plays a real role in men’s wellbeing.
A review in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that different forms of sexual activity (including solo) are correlated with better mood, reduced stress, and cardiovascular benefits.
Your body is built to thrive on pleasure. The release of dopamine and oxytocin through touch doesn’t just feel good - it lowers anxiety and boosts motivation.
When you treat pleasure as part of your wellbeing, your body feels safe again - and your sex drive increases naturally.
3. Redefine What Turns You On
If you’ve relied on porn as your main erotic outlet, your brain may be craving novelty, not connection. That constant stream of newness can desensitise you to subtler, real-life arousal cues.
Try switching things up - not by cutting off pleasure, but by changing how you engage with it.
Explore written or audio erotica, fantasy, or guided experiences that help you connect emotionally, not just visually.
Inside The Library, I guide men through immersive audio sessions designed to wake up the senses -breathing, sound, tension, surrender. It’s about presence, not pressure. And that’s what helps increase sex drive over time.
Explore The Library here - a private collection of guided experiences and videos for men ready to reconnect with their bodies and bring desire back online.
4. Make It a Practice, Not a Fix
Increasing your sex drive isn’t about one big breakthrough - it’s about gentle, consistent practice.
Five mindful minutes a day will do more for your libido than waiting for the weekend when you’re finally “in the mood.”
Think of it like fitness for your erotic system:
Rest when you need to.
Move your body.
Feed it well.
Touch with awareness.
Give it consistent attention.
The more often you signal to your body that pleasure is safe, the more naturally desire returns.
5. Move Your Body, Change Your Energy
Desire needs circulation. When you sit all day or carry stress in your body, that energy has nowhere to go.
Movement - whether it’s walking, stretching, dancing, swimming, or even a few slow hip rolls - wakes up blood flow and reconnects you with physical sensation.
Exercise increases testosterone and endorphins, sure, but it also helps you feel your body again instead of living entirely in your head.
The key is to choose movement that feels good, not punishing.
Something that makes you breathe a little deeper and reminds you you’re alive.
When you move, your energy starts to move too - and that’s when your sex drive increases naturally.
How to Increase Sex Drive in Men - The Takeaway
Your desire isn’t gone. You can increase your sex drive by slowing down, breathing, and creating space for your body to remember what it loves.
FAQ: When You’ve Lost Your Spark
1. How do I know if it’s low sex drive or just stress?
If your desire comes and goes - for example, it returns when you’re relaxed, rested, or on holiday - that’s usually stress, not a medical issue. Chronic low desire lasting months or years might need a check-in with a healthcare provider to rule out hormonal or medication factors.
2. Does watching too much porn lower sex drive?
It can, for some men. Not because porn is “bad,” but because constant novelty and high stimulation can desensitise your brain to real-world arousal cues. If you feel flat or disconnected afterward, try taking a short break or switching to slower, more sensory content.
3. What if I’m in a relationship and I’m just not interested in sex right now?
That’s more common than you think. Desire fluctuates with stress, sleep, and emotional closeness. Be honest with your partner, but don’t panic - it doesn’t mean attraction is gone. Start by reconnecting with your own body first; intimacy often follows.
4. How long does it take to increase sex drive in men?
There’s no fixed timeline. Some men notice changes within a few days of slowing down and focusing on relaxation; for others, it’s weeks. Think of it like strength training - consistency and care bring results.
