How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex? (What's Normal)
Wondering if you're having enough sex in your marriage?
How often married couples have sex will ultimately depend on the couple and their unique needs.
That being said, there are some helpful guidelines and several factors you need to consider, including age, gender, health, stress, and more.
In this article, we'll have a look at how many times a week or month couples should be having sex, the main factors that influence sexual desire, and how you can have more sex in your marriage.
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So, How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex?
Let's break down what's normal and what really matters.
First things first: There's no such thing as a "normal" sex frequency in marriage.
Every couple is different and fluctuates from day to day to year.
A study found that the average adult currently has sex 54 times a year, which is about once per week.
That being said, some married people might enjoy sex twice a day, while others might like sex once a week or even once a month.
The key to having a healthy sex life is finding what works best for both of you.
My husband and I, for example, vary. We have a whole range where we go from having frequent sex (twice a day) to having less frequent sex (twice a week), depending on what's going on in our lives. Another couple I know has sex once a month, and they are happy with that amount.
It's about finding what works for you and making sure that you're both happy with that level of sexual and emotional intimacy.
Factors That Influence Sexual Frequency
Keep in mind that sexual frequency and sex drive can be influenced by a whole load of factors, such as:
Age: People may be less likely to have sex the older they get because of their health or hormonal changes.
Stress levels: Stress can have a significant impact on a person's libido and cause sex to drop to the bottom of your to-do list.
Physical health: Hormonal fluctuations, medical conditions, medications, and specific treatments can affect a person's sex drive. For example, women may have particularly low sexual desire during their menstrual cycle, pregnancy, or when going through menopause.
Emotional well-being: If you and your partner have been fighting or if something else in your family is having an impact on your emotions, this could also cause a low sex drive.
Life circumstances: Work, family, and day-to-day responsibilities can take centre stage, leaving little or no time for intimacy.
You also need to consider the stage of your relationship. For example, we often hear of newlyweds who are like rabbits (having very regular sex). And then, other couples have just had a baby or are undergoing significant work stress.
Of course, sex between these couples won't be the same!
So, consider how different life stages affect intimacy.
You might recognise that when you first got together, you could not keep your hands off each other. But now, as you're navigating careers, children, and other responsibilities, you must adapt your expectations to find new ways to connect intimately.
But with a creative mind, it's not impossible.
Speaking of sexual intimacy, if you want to add more excitement to your marriage, check out my FREE 2 Sexy Date Nights and 26 Hot Sex Tips Bundle. I created it for you to reignite your passion and connect more deeply with your lover.
How Can Not Having Enough Sex Affect People?
A 2015 study revealed that sexual frequency doesn't have such a significant impact on a person's physical well-being as initially thought. In other words, not having sex can't hurt you physically.
That being said, sexual experiences are still significant in a marriage since they connect you and your partner on a deeper level. Sexual satisfaction can play a massive role in the well-being of your long-term relationship.
Sex in a marriage can:
Create an enhanced emotional bond with your spouse
Reduce your stress and anxiety
Improve your mood
Help with self-esteem
Lead to less conflict in your marriage
Create strengthened commitment
Tips to Have More Sex in Your Marriage
If you and your spouse are barely having any sex and you're really feeling unhappy about it, there are a couple of things you can do.
1. Talk to Your Partner Openly
The most important thing is to communicate openly about your sexual needs and desires.
Sit with your spouse and consider questions like:
How do both of you feel about your current level of intimacy?
How many times per week or month do you and your spouse want to have sex? (be realistic)
What can you and your partner do to make your sex life more fulfilling?
Also, try to avoid accusatory questions.
So, instead of saying, "We need to have sex more often", you might say, "I miss our regular intimate moments, and I would love to find ways to connect more frequently.” This approach is more likely to result in a positive, open dialogue.
Once you've discussed this and better understand each other's frustrations and needs, you can create more space, time, and energy to connect physically. This won't only help increase the frequency of sex, but it can also lead to better sex altogether.
Ultimately, by communicating together, you can find a rhythm that satisfies you both.
And yep, you can get creative with the solutions:
Incorporate quickies
Meet up at different times
Plus, you also need to discuss desires and fantasies.
Have open conversations about both your sexual fantasies and desires. This can help to bring your mind online and get you both craving more sex. It can bring a new level of excitement and understanding to your sex life.
You can talk about trying different things to spice up your sex life:
Explore new sex positions
Enhance sex with anal play
Incorporate different sex toys
2. Schedule Sex
Consider scheduling sex. I know it doesn't sound very sexy, but it can be a game-changer when it comes to making time for sexual intercourse in a marriage.
It ensures that sex becomes a priority, especially considering your hectic schedule! Try creating a romantic environment, setting the mood with candles, music, or a nice drink.
Your scheduled time slots can also give you the opportunity to explore different ways to connect physically and emotionally or to try new activities together.
3. Understand Male and Female Sexual Desire
Remember, sexual desire is complex and situational. Whereas many men experience something called spontaneous desire, most females have a responsive desire:
Spontaneous desire is when someone is suddenly aroused out of the blue.
Responsive desire is when someone becomes aroused in response to sexual arousal or stimuli.
Luckily, there are a couple of things you can do to get your partner in the mood, including:
Going out of your way and doing something special for them (like having a romantic date night)
Giving them gifts
Make non-sexual affectionate touch a big part of your long-term relationship (this includes holding hands, hugging, and even placing your hand on their leg)
Spending more time together
4. Find Compromises
Work together to find a compromise that satisfies you and your spouse. Perhaps you want sex three times a week while your spouse only wants it once. So, a good compromise could be to try making time for intimacy twice a week.
It's important to consider both your and your partner's wants and needs so that neither party feels like they're the only one compromising.
5. Focus on Emotional Intimacy First
It might sound strange to focus on emotional intimacy before physical intimacy—especially if the thing you want most is sex.
However, you need to remember that physical intimacy in a marriage goes hand-in-hand with emotional intimacy.
If you and your partner aren't able to connect on a deeper level, sex can lose its meaning and become purely physical. Instead, you want to build a deep connection and passion with your spouse.
In my FLAMES Course, I cover how you can build a deeper connection and have more passion in your marriage. So, if you're a man wanting to build lasting connections with your wife, consider enrolling in the course.
6. Stay Healthy
Physical health directly impacts sexual health.
Are you eating well and nourishing your body?
Are you moving often?
And are you doing something to manage stress?
Don't underestimate the impact that stress can have on your sex life. You can do several things to manage your health and enhance sexual well-being in the process, including:
Eating a well-balanced diet rich in nutrients that supports high energy levels and balances hormones.
Doing regular exercise to improve cardiovascular health, increase blood flow, reduce stress, and enhance stamina.
Managing your stress levels by implementing stress-reduction techniques, such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, or engaging in hobbies.
7. Seek Professional Help
If you've tried everything else and nothing seems to be working, you can also consider seeing a couples therapist or sex therapist.
These professionals can provide guidance and tools to help improve intimacy and address underlying issues.
In some cases, you can also consider getting a medical consultation to help identify any physical conditions that may stand in the way of having a satisfying sex life.
So, Are You Having Enough Sex in Your Marriage?
There's no one-size-fits-all answer. Most people have it about once a week. But it's all about what works best for you and your spouse.
So make sure to communicate, be open to compromise and creativity, and focus on the quality of your connection rather than just the quantity of sex.
If you're in what you would consider a sexless marriage, which is having sex less than once a month, then check out this video here. It’s filled with more practical ideas to help you have the kind of intimate life you deserve.
And if you’re feeling stuck or unsure where to begin, why not start with yourself? The Riding Solo course is designed to help you rebuild confidence, understand your needs, and reignite your sexual energy. By focusing on your own pleasure and growth, you can bring a whole new level of passion and connection into your marriage.
Take that step today and start transforming your relationship from the inside out. You deserve it.
